Question from a friend of WordTruth Ministries:
>> I was just reading the short article: Why is conflict so acute
among Christians? It is excellent and states a problem I know have
in a small church I pastor. I need some help in resolving a conflict
in my church. I feel like I need "another page" saying, "Here's how
you (pastor) should help resolve conflict among Christians." Any help
will be appreciated!
WordTruth.Com Response:
Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I can only provide
some general principles for resolving conflict. The key is in the application
of the principles to your church. The message you cite lists three
reasons conflict often becomes so acute among Christians:
- Emotions
- Involvement
- Interdependency.
Unfortunately, you will be unable to stop any of these things without
harming the proper functioning of the church! So we need to consider
how to manage the challenges in these three areas.
Emotions
First, the long term strategy. Emotional excesses can be
curbed through solid Biblical teaching on the emotions that God gave to each
one of us. The congregation needs to understand what the emotions are
and how we should use them. Anger, joy, passion, grief, etc. are all God-given
emotions that can be strengths -- when understood and dealt with biblically
- or handicaps - when we simply give into them and allow the emotion to drive
our behavior. For believers in Christ, conviction in God's truth should
drive our behavior, whether we "feel" like it or not. Your teaching
ministry in this area must also be modeled for your congregation. I
would spend time with your deacon body as well to disciple them in this regard.
They too must model this behavior.
In the short term, it is critical to diffuse the explosive emotions of anger.
I would target the key individuals who are giving into angry outbursts and
pull them aside privately to discuss the issues prior to any meeting where
such outbursts are likely to happen. Your approach should be gentle,
intended to help such individuals become the godly man or woman that Christ
wants them to be. They should be reminded of the fruit of the Holy
Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) and the consequences of unholy anger unleashed on others.
So many people I know have anger problems - with the consequence that they
spew forth the most damaging statements toward others. Remind such
individuals that as believers in Christ, they have the power of the Holy
Spirit give them self-control - if they will simply give in to His control
over their thoughts, words, and deeds.
Involvement
Long term, people in a congregation should be taught "love
one another" (John 13:34) in an ever-deepening
relationship with one another. This is our LORD's command and vital
to a strong church. It also means that conflict within the body will
be often be acute. You cannot, however, sacrifice deep relationships without
making the church ineffective in its mission or longevity.
Short term, the pastor needs to identify individuals who are both involved
in close relationships and suffering from acute conflict. You need
to bring these individuals together in a safe setting to confront the issues
head-on. Ignoring the problems will only make the situation worse.
"Fight or flight" will inevitably occur when conflict is ignored by the church.
You along with the deacon body can work toward bringing individuals together
to pursue the biblical process of forgiveness (briefly summarized in Matthew
18:15-20; Luke 17:1-10). Sin must be confronted and forsaken.
Forgiveness must be sought and granted. People will not always follow
the biblical process of forgiveness. I believe that sometimes God uses
such conflict to weed out uncommitted individuals from a church body so that
the body can grow stronger and wider.
Interdependency
Long term, it is important to teach the congregation to value the
uniqueness of each person. God creates each person as a one-of-a-kind.
Study the phrase "wonderfully made"
in Psalm 139:14 as it denotes uniqueness. In Ephesians 2:10 each person is
a beautiful mosaic fashioned by God's own hand. In 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 clearly
teaches the diversity of gifts that God provides to each believer in Christ.
God places each unique person in a church because that church needs each
person to fulfill specific ministry in and through that church. Sure,
some people you may be glad are only "one-of-a-kind" because you could not
stand another one. Make sure each person knows that there is not another
person with the same experience, gifts, strengths, weaknesses, and capacities
- God fashioned them to reach certain people in this world that no one else
can reach in quite the same way.
Short term, the interdependency of members, one to another, is vital but
complicates the conflict. People need to work together but will not
do so when they are angry. Without knowing the specifics in your church,
I would say that again that you must identify such areas of conflict and
work to bring together key individuals involved in the conflict. You
need to emphasize to them how the ministry area they are involved in together
suffers because of the unresolved conflict. They also need to understand
the shame such suffering brings to the name of Christ. How can people
in the world believe they can be reconciled to God when so-called believers
are unable to reconcile with one another? How can the church proclaim the
answers to life's problems when the life of the church is itself drained
by unresolved conflict? I have found that humble confrontation of believers
with God's truth has positive results. Sometimes it takes years to
resolve conflicts but you have to be patient. Stick to the course of
obedience even when the circumstances seem hopeless. God can get through
to believers when His word (not our angry words) is the main message.
I hope these thoughts are helpful. Perhaps you have already tried these
things and still face difficult conflict. I fear that the deacons who
should be part of the solution may in fact be part of the conflict itself
(?). This is an unfortunate reality in many churches, regardless of size.
I will certainly be praying with you and for you and your church.
May God bless you with His wisdom and the courage to follow Jesus!
Randy Lariscy :-)
Director - WordTruth Ministries
Our Creator God loves you and wants you to know Him! If you would
like to contact this ministry for further information or questions, please
send your e-mail to:
Email: Request@WordTruth.com
Web Site: WordTruth.Com
Copyright 5/26/2003, Randy Lariscy.
