Question from a friend of WordTruth Ministries:
>>My best friend died when we were both 16 and after her death
I tried hard to believe that it was God's work and that He needed her more
than we did. Only a few weeks after that did I lose all the passion for that
and now I am the maddest I have ever been my whole life...I don't want you
to tell me you're there for me or that it's ok or God works in mysterious
ways or that God always has a plan, because I heard it all and it didn't
make one bit of difference. I need to know how do I deal with everything.
So in you own Un-bias opinion, What do I do next? Do I try to mend it with
God or continue to live without? Don't tell me that I have to have God in
my heart -- I need honest opinions.
WordTruth.Com Response:
As I read through your letter, I am quite taken aback by the grief
you expressed. Your best friend is gone and your are hurt, angry for
the loss, and lonely because you miss the special relationship with your
friend. These are normal feelings to be expected in such a time.
Although I want to, I know that I cannot sympathize with your grief because
I did not know your friend the way you did. You must move through your
grieving process in your own time. You will never forget your friend
or your friendship but, over time, the grieving process can help take the
"sting" out of the memories.
Your question, "Do I try to mend it with God or continue to live without?"
is what I will try to help you with because it is the critical question.
I am not trying to be judgmental so if a statement here or there seems that
way to you please forgive me -- it is not my intent.
Let's consider your anger first. Anger is a reaction to this traumatic
event in your life. You usually cannot help feeling angry -- it is
a response of your emotions. How you respond in your anger makes a
tremendous difference in your life. The Bible says, "And "don't
sin by letting anger gain control over you." Don't let the sun go down while
you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil" (Ephesians
4:26-27, NLT). Unresolved anger takes us down a
destructive path where we hurt ourselves and others in our life.
Right now your anger is being directed toward the LORD. You wrote,
"I had no sign or feeling my whole life that made me believe that there is
a God who cares." Angela, God does care for you just as He cared for
your friend. Do you need a sign of this? God the Father had to
watch His own son die for you. Can you imagine the anger He felt when
He could have easily have destroyed both the Jews and Romans who crucified
His Son? But He chose to direct that anger toward the sin of mankind
that caused it. In so doing, Jesus Christ made it possible for all
of us to be forgiven of our sins and have eternal life (a permanent relationship
with the LORD).
Rather than direct your anger toward God or anyone else, you need to direct
the energy of your anger toward solving the real problem. You blame
God for your friend's death. I don't know the circumstances behind
her passing but I doubt that God specifically took her out. More likely
she succumbed to disease or an accident. If that is the case, then
you are unfairly blaming God for something He did not do. I am sure
you would not want to be unjustly blamed. If that is a result of your
anger, then you do need to "mend things with God" as you said. God
loves you and desparately wants to have fellowship with you. But you
must take responsibility for how you respond to your anger.
Perhaps your anger is that God could have intervened to save your friend
but He did not. I understand that frustration, believe me. I
have had several heart-breaking situations where the child of a friend caught
some kind of virus and died very suddenly. All the prayers and pleadings
seem to have gone unheard. Why didn't God save that child? And
why didn’t God save your friend? There is no answer to that question.
All we can bank on is the fact of God's awesome love for each one of us.
His ways are so far greater than ours and absolutely perfect and just as
well. In your grief, it is hard to accept that I know. That is
a point where faith comes in. You must choose to believe the truth
that God has revealed about Himself in a time when all seems lost.
As Spurgeon once said, "When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."
We give thanks to the LORD because He is good and His love endures forever
(Psalm 107:1). Even in your grief, begin to offer thanks to God for
His goodness and His love. Walking by faith in this way will help you
deal with your grief.
In your grief, you have also given up on God. OK, but know that God
has not given up on you. "If we are unfaithful, He
remains faithful, for He cannot deny himself" (2 Timothy 2:13, NLT).
God is ... And He is still at work in your life to bring you back to the
place of joy and contentment. You are just not there yet until you
deal with your anger in a righteous way. After that, I think there
is still some work to do.
Find someone to talk to about your friend's life. Ask them for their
help as you work through your grief. Find someone who will listen with
compassion to the stories of how you two met, the joys and the sorrows you
experienced, the hopes and dreams you both had. Part of the benefit
of the grieving process is that it helps you put these memories in perspective.
You do not have to forget your friend to move on in life. Neither do
you have to continue feeling sad about your loss. But remember the
times you had together as a precious gift from God.
Think of how your friend would have wanted you to live after she was gone.
Would she be happy with your decisions since her passing? Would she
be pleased with how you are living? Do you think she would want you
to blame God or keep trusting in Him during the dark times? I know
not the answer to that question but I think if you spend some time honestly
working through that question, you may find a spark that can lead you back
to where you need to be and, I think, really want to be.
I hope this is some food for thought. If you would like to dialog further
on this, please feel free to write again. If there is any way I can
help I will. I will be praying for you that you can work through the
pain and once again live with passion and joy and faith.
May God bless you with His wisdom and the courage to follow
Jesus!
Rev. Randy Lariscy :-)
Director - WordTruth Ministries
Our Creator God loves you and wants you to know Him! If you would
like to contact this ministry for further information or questions, please
send your e-mail to:
Email: Request@WordTruth.com
Web Site: WordTruth.Com
© Copyright 4/10/2004, Randy Lariscy.
