When is a third-party needed to resolve a conflict?

In a conflict situation, it has been established that structure, in the form of ground rules and processes, is necessary to advance the chaotic, angry battles to calmer, more rational encounters.  Much like two teams on a football field, a third party is needed to keep the two teams playing between the sidelines.  Let us discuss the role of a third party in the following format:¹

1. Third party intervention defined
2. When to bring in a third party
3. Who is a qualified third party
4. How the third party works

1. Third party intervention defined:

A third party is an independent or neutral player in the conflict process.  The third party has no vested interest in the conflict nor in the resolution to it.  Though the third party may be well known to those in conflict, he or she must have not part in causing, continuing, or escalating the problem.  The third party must also receive no benefit or value from any particular resolution to the conflict.  Also, the third party must agree to remain neutral during the conflict resolution process.  Showing favoritism to one participant, granting more discussion time to another, stifling comments or joining in sarcasm with the participants are all ways a third party crosses the “sacred” line of neutrality.  As anyone who has facilitated group decision-making can attest, this is a very difficult thing to do.

The intervention of a third party addresses some specific goals.  First, the third party enters a conflict situation in order to establish processes and strategies for resolution.  The third party also guides discussion between the parties by helping to delineate or clarify the issues.  A good third party will actively work to keep communication lines open by focusing on the problem and away from the people involved.  All of the steps taken by a third party are intended to move the parties through an understanding of the problem, generation of options, and agreement on a solution.
 

2. When to bring in a third party

Two parties who simply disagree about a matter and feel comfortable sharing their disagreement with one another, and are able to work together to resolve it have no need of third party intervention.  Such an intrusion would undoubtedly cause more conflict than it solved.  The time to bring in a third party would be at the point the two parties were unable or unwilling to communicate with one another.  The intervention of a third party at this point can be helpful in enabling the two parties to begin a structured dialogue.  A deadlock situation or a protracted conflict with no end in sight is also a good time to bring in an experienced person to mediate the conflict.  Another key time for a third party is when the level of trust has gotten so low communication between the two parties is useless.

The third party should be called in to facilitate a resolution to the conflict.  Frequently, people engaged in a conflict find the situation hopeless and see no way to reconcile it.  Relationships are typically damaged if not completely broken during a conflict.  At this point, a third party should be called to help mend the wounds.  The third party should be called in whenever the two parties find their activities are wasting time or regressing instead of progressing.
 

3. Who is a qualified third party

First of all, a qualified third party must be one who has some training and, hopefully, experience in facilitating conflict resolution.  Without the training, the third party may not structure or enforce a process that actually leads anywhere.  As the saying goes, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.”  Experience in facilitating previous conflicts will be immensely valuable.  The third party intervenes in order to guide the process.  He or she must know where the pitfalls are, what to do when people refuse to play by the rules, and how to adjust the process to accommodate the specific needs of the various parties.  The third party should also be confident in his or her ability to structure and facilitate a resolution process.  The third party’s credibility in the eyes of the participants gives hope to all.

Apart from training and experience, the third party must be comfortable dealing with dysfunctional behavior.  Participants will deceive each other, get extremely frustrated, get angry even to the point of violence, or withdraw from the discussions altogether.  A qualified third party must recognize these behaviors and have specific strategies for dealing with them.
 

4. How the third party works

Probably the most important thing for a third party to do is assess the relationships of the various parties.  At the point a third party is called in, relationships are in various states of disrepair.  Before the third party will be able to accurately assess the facts of the conflict, he or she must work to reduce the tension and raise the level of trust among the individuals.  The third party will need to allow individuals time to vent their feelings.  Individuals also need to know that someone actually cares.  Receiving some validation of the emotions raised during the conflict helps individuals move from self-pity to focus on the problem again.

The next step for the third party is to establish some processes for working through the conflict.  Issues must be defined, clarified, and related to one another.  Each side must gain an understanding of the other person’s perspective on the issues.  The third party must then move the group into a problem solving process.  Techniques must be introduced for surfacing the facts, breaking down a problem, examining patterns as opposed to one-time incidents, and generating options or solutions prior to gaining agreement on them.  Finally, the third party should have a plan for gaining consensus for and commitment to the agreement by all parties.  This should include working out the details of the agreement among the participants.

Just like the referee on a football field, the third party can only guide the process.  The game must be played by the participants.  A good third party can intervene, establish the process, and get individuals talking again.  The various individuals must choose to work toward resolution rather than continue the fight.
 

End Notes

1. Wise, Terry Dr. Managing Conflict. Trinity College and Seminary. 1995. Excerpts paraphrased from course cassette 9.

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Copyright 6/4/2001, Randy Lariscy.