Conflict Case Study #3

A Committee With a Bully

A church has a social action committee doing fund-raisers for different community charities.  The current drive will provide funds for the local Habitat for Humanity chapter.  The fund-raiser has not gotten off the ground because one member of the committee is nothing short of a bully.  She is obnoxious and forceful.  Everything must be her way or a long, drawn-out argument ensues.  Other committee members are quietly dropping off the team.  The other members are afraid to confront the bully and want to quit the work.
 

Assessment of Issues:

Issue number one in this case study is a bully working on a committee.  This bully has to have her way at all costs.  She is rude to other people and overpowers their views with her own agenda.  The rest of the committee members are ready to quit because they feel their voice is not being heard.

Issue number two is the fear of confrontation on the part of the other committee members.  Perhaps there is a public forum for this committee and the members are afraid to get into a fight with the bully.  Perhaps the members think confrontation is a sin.  In any event, no progress will be made on their fund-raising activities so long as the members are unwilling to confront the bully.
 

Strategy for Managing Conflict:

I would recommend meeting with the other committee members without the bully present to discuss the problem.  The point I would make is that each one of them is on the committee to provide their ideas and input to shape the fund-raising activities.  I would stress the importance of their input -- the result will be much better with many minds working together on the best ways to raise money.  The basic thrust of this action is to encourage the committee members to continue their role.

Also, I would point out the necessity of confronting the bully about her behavior.  The problem will not go away on its own.  Then I would volunteer to meet with the bully privately.

After this, I would recommend two strategies.  One would be to meet privately with the bully to discuss her behavior.  I would start by going over the goal of the committee, the fact that each member was selected to provide their input, and thank the bully for her passionate contributions to the project.  Then I would explain how aspects of her behavior diminish the ability of the other committee members to provide input.  It would be wise to have a number of very specific examples to cite.  I would point out that the other members are ready to quit to indicate the seriousness of the situation.

The bully may have been oblivious to her overbearing behavior and apologize.  From the description, this sounds unlikely.  My guess is that she would deny it all or simply blame the other members.  She may simply pitch a fit.  In any case, I would strive to control my own anger in this.  I would try to keep the conversation focused on her behavior in relation to the other members.  If the bully understands and is won over, then the problem may be solved.  I would encourage the bully to own up to her behavior and apologize to the other members to help heal the wounds of conflict.

If the bully does not understand or accept any part of the blame, then the second strategy to deal with this conflict would be to add more structure to the committee.  I would bring in a facilitator trained in leading group sessions.  I would use the facilitator to establish ground rules to ensure that all voices are heard.  This would focus the meeting content on the flip chart or white board as opposed to face-to-face discussion.  A facilitator has many methods to deal with a “bully” in the crowd such as:

• The facilitator must enforce the ground rules, such as “Only one person talks at a time in the full group discussions”.  This may require interrupting a long-winded speech by the bully to ask someone else their opinion.
• Keep conversation focused on the board where ideas and consensus are developed.  This precludes the bully pontificating about her own agenda.
• One subtle way to keep a bully quiet is for the facilitator to ask the bully to help record some of the detailed exchanges.  Because of her bias, the bully’s notes would be scrutinized later by the facilitator before using them in any meeting notes.
• Small group breakout sessions can also provide a convenient vehicle to gather input from many people.  Each small group presents their best ideas on a  topic to the full group.

If the bully simply will not be quiet, the facilitator can ask her to leave.  Since the facilitator is not “in charge” of the committee he cannot require the bully to comply.  This is where the other committee members must stick together and support the facilitator.  They  must insist that the ground rules be followed.  It may well happen that the bully, confronted for the first time by the group, will back down and behave.  I have noticed in my experience that many bullies have their way because other people let them.  I dealt with a former vice-president who was like this.  I found that respectfully disagreeing with her and offering a cogent argument for another approach would generally win her over.  This vice-president, by the way, is no longer with the company because of her overbearing behavior.

I believe these strategies would work to reconcile the relationship between the bully and the other group members.  It would also bring structure to what appears to be a very informal committee.
 

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Copyright 6/18/2001, Randy Lariscy.