What are good communication strategies during conflict?
One of the strategies for successful conflict management must be to promote good, healthy communication between the individuals or groups engaged in conflict. Communication promotes dialogue between people. If you can get and keep people talking, chances are they will work something out. If they are not talking, you can be sure that nothing will be worked out to resolve the problem. On the contrary, bitterness and a desire for revenge will typically grow instead. And, constructive communication eases tension. People generally feel better just by talking out the problem with someone else. Creating an environment for healthy communication will facilitate trust and the opportunity for dialogue.Healthy communication during a conflict focuses on the problem and not the people involved. As was discussed earlier in this course, the idea is to be hard on the problem but soft on the people. One example of healthy communication is to own your statements. This means that you do not speak for another person or say things that are not your own feelings, insight, or perspective. Words like “You just can’t do that!” are replaced by “It makes me feel like a dog when you do that.” Anger and shouting are certainly possible even when people own their statements. But it is much harder to justify internally or externally your own bashing of the other person while they calmly describe their own feelings and insights. Promoting and supporting this kind of healthy dialogue goes a long way toward resolving conflict.
Along with these rules of thumb for healthy communication, good listening skills will also facilitate understanding between individuals. I once visited my son’s first grade class where the teacher was having a difficult time conveying a point because everyone was talking. I spoke up, “You know, God gave us two ears and only one mouth. This is because He wants us to listen twice as much as we talk.” One of the young students’ eyes grew wide and said, “Wow! How’d you know that?” It got their attention and they began listening to their teacher. Good listening starts with keeping your mouth closed and your ears open.
Good listening also involves much more than simply keeping quiet. It means that we actively seek to understand what the other person is really trying to communicate. Words, feelings, points of emphasis are important in the overall presentation. An objective reception of both the content and the particular passion with which it is delivered are critical to understanding. I find it difficult to listen objectively when someone else is teaching a Bible study, especially one I have taught in the past. No matter how hard I try, I inevitably start analyzing the style, the examples, the related Scripture, or the application of the truths presented. ”Surely,” I think, “I would have said it better.” This, of course, hinders my ability to be positively influenced by the Holy Spirit during the teaching of God’s word. During conflict situations, the lack of objectivity in listening to the other side’s points makes understanding difficult. A wise approach is for each person to first restate and confirm the other's position and feelings before speaking. This approach demands that individuals strive to really understand one another.
Nonverbal signals also play a significant role in communication between individuals. These nonverbal signals include things such as eye contact, hand and body gestures, dress, facial expressions, and even the proximity between people when talking. Related signals are in the area of voice tone. It is critical that the nonverbal signals are consistent with the content of a communication. If they are not, people perceive you to be deceitful.
How words are spoken will also have an impact on the reception of a communication. The pace of speech, accents and punctuation used, volume, tone and other such factors are all part of the perception of an individual. The Bible says "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver" (Proverbs 25:11, NIV). Even a rebuke or correction can be more easily accepted if given with grace and tenderness. Again, a helpful Proverb is "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1, NIV). Clearly, how something is said can be even more important than what is said.
Finally, attitudes play an important role in communication between individuals. An attitude of condemnation toward another will probably not promote a constructive outcome. It blocks an individual’s ability to accept the genuine facts of a situation. It creates bias in understanding the other side’s position. A good attitude can promote healing in the relationship and will usually lead to softer, calmer communications.
Our Creator God loves you and wants you to know Him! If you would like to contact this ministry for further information or questions, please send your e-mail to:
Email: ministryrequest1@WordTruth.Com
Web Site: WordTruth.ComCopyright 6/4/2001, Randy Lariscy.
