Question from a WordTruth.Com friend:

>> I was just reading the short article:  Why is conflict so acute among Christians?  It is excellent and states a problem I know have in a small church I pastor.  I need some help in resolving a conflict in my church.  I feel like I need "another page" saying, "Here's how you (pastor) should help resolve conflict among Christians."  Any help will be appreciated! 
 

WordTruth.Com Response:

Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I can only provide some general principles for resolving conflict.  The key is in the application of the principles to your church.  The message you cite lists three reasons conflict often becomes so acute among Christians:

• Emotions
• Involvement
• Interdependency. 

Unfortunately, you will be unable to stop any of these things without harming the proper functioning of the church!  So we need to consider how to manage the challenges in these three areas.

Emotions

First, the long term strategy.  Emotional excesses can be curbed through solid Biblical teaching on the emotions that God gave to each one of us.  The congregation needs to understand what the emotions are and how we should use them. Anger, joy, passion, grief, etc. are all God-given emotions that can be strengths -- when understood and dealt with biblically - or handicaps - when we simply give into them and allow the emotion to drive our behavior.  For believers in Christ, conviction in God's truth should drive our behavior, whether we "feel" like it or not.  Your teaching ministry in this area must also be modeled for your congregation.  I would spend time with your deacon body as well to disciple them in this regard.  They too must model this behavior.
 
In the short term, it is critical to diffuse the explosive emotions of anger. I would target the key individuals who are giving into angry outbursts and pull them aside privately to discuss the issues prior to any meeting where such outbursts are likely to happen.  Your approach should be gentle, intended to help such individuals become the godly man or woman that Christ wants them to be.  They should be reminded of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) and the consequences of unholy anger unleashed on others.  So many people I know have anger problems - with the consequence that they spew forth the most damaging statements toward others.  Remind such individuals that as believers in Christ, they have the power of the Holy Spirit give them self-control - if they will simply give in to His control over their thoughts, words, and deeds.

Involvement

Long term, people in a congregation should be taught "love one another" (John 13:34) in an ever-deepening relationship with one another.  This is our LORD's command and vital to a strong church.  It also means that conflict within the body will be often be acute. You cannot, however, sacrifice deep relationships without making the church ineffective in its mission or longevity.

Short term, the pastor needs to identify individuals who are both involved in close relationships and suffering from acute conflict.  You need to bring these individuals together in a safe setting to confront the issues head-on.  Ignoring the problems will only make the situation worse.  "Fight or flight" will inevitably occur when conflict is ignored by the church. You along with the deacon body can work toward bringing individuals together to pursue the biblical process of forgiveness (briefly summarized in Matthew 18:15-20; Luke 17:1-10).  Sin must be confronted and forsaken.  Forgiveness must be sought and granted.  People will not always follow the biblical process of forgiveness.  I believe that sometimes God uses such conflict to weed out uncommitted individuals from a church body so that the body can grow stronger and wider.

Interdependency

Long term, it is important to teach the congregation to value the uniqueness of each person.  God creates each person as a one-of-a-kind.  Study the phrase "wonderfully made" in Psalm 139:14 as it denotes uniqueness. In Ephesians 2:10 each person is a beautiful mosaic fashioned by God's own hand. In 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 clearly teaches the diversity of gifts that God provides to each believer in Christ.  God places each unique person in a church because that church needs each person to fulfill specific ministry in and through that church.  Sure, some people you may be glad are only "one-of-a-kind" because you could not stand another one.  Make sure each person knows that there is not another person with the same experience, gifts, strengths, weaknesses, and capacities - God fashioned them to reach certain people in this world that no one else can reach in quite the same way.

Short term, the interdependency of members, one to another, is vital but complicates the conflict.  People need to work together but will not do so when they are angry.  Without knowing the specifics in your church, I would say that again that you must identify such areas of conflict and work to bring together key individuals involved in the conflict.  You need to emphasize to them how the ministry area they are involved in together suffers because of the unresolved conflict.  They also need to understand the shame such suffering brings to the name of Christ.  How can people in the world believe they can be reconciled to God when so-called believers are unable to reconcile with one another? How can the church proclaim the answers to life's problems when the life of the church is itself drained by unresolved conflict?  I have found that humble confrontation of believers with God's truth has positive results.  Sometimes it takes years to resolve conflicts but you have to be patient.  Stick to the course of obedience even when the circumstances seem hopeless.  God can get through to believers when His word (not our angry words) is the main message.

I hope these thoughts are helpful.  Perhaps you have already tried these things and still face difficult conflict.  I fear that the deacons who should be part of the solution may in fact be part of the conflict itself (?). This is an unfortunate reality in many churches, regardless of size.  I will certainly be praying with you and for you and your church.

May God bless you with His wisdom and the courage to follow Jesus!

Randy Lariscy :-)
Director - WordTruth Ministries
 

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Copyright 5/26/2003, Randy Lariscy.